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Through the last fifteen years of being involved in the Indian community and interacting with many non-Indian, Western,and white women who struggle with relationships and commitments with their Indian boyfriends, I share the top three mistakes that most of these women make while trying to overcome the challenges of acceptance from their Indian boyfriend or to-be's family.
Many Americans hold an ideal that regardless of social standing, culture, economic status, educational background and religion, love will overcome all these problems and make everything ‘ok.’ This can be true if and only if the couple have extensive discussions before marriage about expectations after marriage and into the long term, such as both partners’ career aspirations, family planning, traditions, values, choosing the place to live among many other variables.
After further discussion he explained that he got that impression from watching American TV shows like Sex in the City and Desperate Housewives.
I didn’t go out with him, or any other Indian guys, for a few months after that.
Of course, not everything can be breached ahead of time.
Situations do change after marriage and through time.
Many say “The first year of marriage is the hardest.” This is often said among Americans who marry other Americans – not in a typical cross-cultural relationship.
Due to mistake number one, she believes the man will do anything and everything in his power to create a long term commitment which will sooner than later evolve into marriage.
But just as we were parking to go into the restaurant he pulled out a three pack of condoms and told me he was ready. “I thought that was what you wanted,” he said, sounding genuinely confused.
“I thought you would be happy that I was prepared.” I asked him how he got that idea and his response was that he thought that was what all American women wanted.
I had only been on my first date in India for about 30 minutes, and already I was almost in tears and wanted to go home! A friend introduced to me to a nice looking Indian guy who asked me for my number. I’m single and Indian guys are hot, so I gave him my number. After taking a couple of calming breaths, I asked him what gave him the idea that I was going to have sex with him on our date.
Several days later I accepted his offer to go out for dinner. He seemed hurt, and equally shocked that I was upset.